English country pensioner

My mam took a couple of her customers out for a drink in an 'upper class' country pub. It's my mam, her boss Rich, an old man that was just getting away with still being allowed to work, and his wife who was just about getting away with still being alive. Anyway, they all travelled to this local pub or whatever it was, and they bought their drinks.

Imagine this ok, two couples sat at a dark wood, medievil, old English table, drinking from country beer jugs and talking in front of a big old fire. There was another couple and a group of farmers on the other side of the room, doing the same, and getting slightly merry.

So the old man gets up from his seat and hobbles over to stoke the fire, very thoughtful of him, you may be thinking. But it gets cuter, even though slightly repulsive.

As he bends over to put a log on the fire he lets rip. Big style, loud style and funny style. My mam, being as polite as she is, in work mode, ignored him and carried on her sentence until she saw her boss shaking with silent laughter on the other side of the table, the old lady bright red with embarassment, 20 farmers on the other side of the room grinning and clinking glasses, and the couple near him looking at him in pure disgust. Stupidly, she decided to take a sip of wine to stop herself from laughing.

Then she saw the old man's face looking at everyone, as he was slightly deaf, he didnt realise what he had just done, and thought everyone was grateful for him stoking the fire. He raised his left hand and said, ''would anyone like another one or are we all warm enough'.

By now the whole room was in hysterics, my mam's boss was choking on his own breath, and my mam was wiping the wine she'd sprayed all over the old lady's top.

Oh shit, one of the farmers had raised is glass at the old man, so he went to put another log on the fire, and did it again. But this time,...

...well, his face was described as 'Colin Mochrie chewing a bag of nails'.

Well, i didnt laugh much when i heard that! Especially when my mam continued the story with, 'and i had to drive 200 miles with that smell when he'd gone'.

Pure unadulterated elderly comedy.