It seems like i'm moaning on a lot lately but it also seems like everything in my life is going up in flames, and not for the first time either. I guess im just lucky ive got you guys to talk to about it all. i feel really used to be honest. i have a friend, or should i say, had a friend. And he's been through a real rough time over the past few weeks as something that happened years ago, seems to be haunting him. I think im the only person he has talked to properly about it. i made im go to a councillor and hestarted constantly screaming and shouting and blaming me for werid things.i dont hate him, i just feel a bit used. you know what im saying. the thing that really gets me though is that he had the nerve to say to me that im a bully and i made his life hell. hmmm. that felt like a stake to my heart. plus the fact that now he is still draggin all our other friends down and they are constantly worried about him but i cant help them either. Grrr!
But hey i still have both my legs and my fingers to talk to you. It might sound really odd but i really feel better when ive written it all down and even though its a small thing, it kinda takes the weight of it off me.
i think that all nasty people should be locked away in a cupboard and made to sing about B.I.N.G.O the dog till i get sick of hearing it. Then they could read the bible front to bk then bk to front.
Well, after not seeing you all for such a long time i think it was slightly rude of me to go straight into my problems without a hello how are you kiss my arse or nothing. Well i'm sorry. and i want to know how you are if you'd like to tell me.
I might have some shocking news for you all next week. but im giving nothing away yet. its one of those tune in next time things. haha. they piss me off too.
i think ive discovered a miracle aswell. ok, we've got a cat called timmy and he's the cutest thing alive right. we also have a jack russell called snoopy, and they fight. proper boxing. but yesterday it was really funny cos they were fighting in the lounge and timmy danced his way to the door on his back legs. still punching away. as soon as snoopy had a pause, timmy darted up the stairs and jumped out the bedroom window. we just heard footsteps up the stairs, across the floor then we saw a black flash and timmy run off up the road. quality kamikaze cat. i wonder ow much his tv deal would get us. or you've been framed. wow. party at mine!
ok so ive been away for a while and im sorry but no flowers? no concern for my life. very inconsiderate guys come on? i dont suppose id best race to pick up the mail in the morning then with none of you caring enough to send a card. i had better save my energy so i can live longer and hopefully earn enough to pay someone to care for me and not let me rot. sniff sniff.
well i still love you anyway, whether you love me or not.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Saturday, December 10, 2005
brilliant minds
There must be a reason for people to be so individual. I've been thinkin a lot about it tonight actually. I think there's something fascinating about people, and the amount of variety one can find in different personalities.
Children
The minds of children amaze me, and although i have had to grow up to a certain extent I am proud to admit that I will always have a child like side to me. I love how honest they are with everything and how they say things exactly how they see them. Obviously its a sign of imaturity but thats whats so damned brilliant about it. They just see the world as a big open book that they have to learn from and ask questions about constantly.
For example, when I was three years old, and in the supermarket with my mam, I saw a lady with only one leg. I couldn't help but stare, but I just didn't understand, so i skidded down the aisle on my knees, looked up the lady's skirt and asked, "excuse me, where have you put your other leg?" My mam was embarrassed but the lady happily told me that I had to learn to play safely on the roads, as she lost it in an accident with a car.
I learned a lot from it and everytime i cross a road still, I think of her, but that's how the human brain works isn't it. Collecting as much information as possible, like a sponge, and learning from it. I guess its how we evolve. In our bodies, our minds, and our intellect.
I love the way children play. It sounds nasty, but the way they bully and fight makes them stronger as adults entering the 'big bad world'. The way that they learn their talents from each other gives them something in common and makes it easier for them to socialise, but their genes, like being left handed or shy, can't be affected by their peers. Its so amazing how children thrive off each other but still have their own opinions and questions.
'Sheep'
When we become adults, we seem to lose that innocence that was so essential to us in our childhood years. We become too full of ourselves, that we don't think we need to ask questions anymore. Yet, at the same time, some of us lose a certain confidence we once had, and choose to follow the ones of us that have not lost that vital piece of our personalities. It gets so bad that people will sit and talk about the people they care about and put them down, to people that don't matter to them at all. What confuses me is that they know that this is the wrong thing to do, but they choose MORE friends over GOOD friends, and they need to learn that there is one hell of a difference. This type of mind is one that doesn't intrigue me in the slightest, because it is such a shallow, readable way to think. Probably why I have no particular interest in conversing with them.
Individuals
I have so much respect for people owning minds that will happily wander whichever way it pleases. They often attract a gruop of 'sheep', but that can't be helped. The pure comfort with being themselves is so clever that i have the most respect for this type of mind than any other. People who ask questions everyday until they die, people who aren't afraid to wear red with green when it's not Christmas, people who stand up for what they believe in, however strong their forfeit must be. To me, they are the sort of people i could talk to all day. Just finding out how they tick, with no influence from anyone else. I feel its one of two ways that one can access a pure mind in an adult.
'Clinically Insane'
No matter how much some of these people may scare the crap out of me, I still can't help but wonder whether they should just fit into the 'individual' bracket. Maybe they can't, but that's got to be simply for the fact that they have one disability, which is to train their minds to work with their souls. That sounds really lame i know, but think about it. The only difference is that they don't know the difference between right and wrong. Some do but just don't care, but that's not 'insane'.
'Animals'
The sort of minds that have no regard for any other living soul other than themselves. Cold blooded killers, rapists, drug dealers. There is no other way to describe these people other than as animals. Like wild creatures, they hunt for food and there own satisfaction. If this means taking away someone elses happiness, they feel it has to be done. I can only think that there is a fault in the conscience of these people, no guilt, no regrets or compassion. They seem to be the more primative cluster of the human race. Maybe it does run in their genes, maybe its a throw back. Who knows, but to be honest I don't think its something I'm quite prepared for yet.
Well, that was deep! Nice to put it into words though. Its been on my mind and I like to put it into order and share it with a few people. Three things;
1) Don't be a sheep.
2) Don't be an animal.
3) Yes, sheep are animals, no need to be arguementative!
Love you all, Goodnight.
Children
The minds of children amaze me, and although i have had to grow up to a certain extent I am proud to admit that I will always have a child like side to me. I love how honest they are with everything and how they say things exactly how they see them. Obviously its a sign of imaturity but thats whats so damned brilliant about it. They just see the world as a big open book that they have to learn from and ask questions about constantly.
For example, when I was three years old, and in the supermarket with my mam, I saw a lady with only one leg. I couldn't help but stare, but I just didn't understand, so i skidded down the aisle on my knees, looked up the lady's skirt and asked, "excuse me, where have you put your other leg?" My mam was embarrassed but the lady happily told me that I had to learn to play safely on the roads, as she lost it in an accident with a car.
I learned a lot from it and everytime i cross a road still, I think of her, but that's how the human brain works isn't it. Collecting as much information as possible, like a sponge, and learning from it. I guess its how we evolve. In our bodies, our minds, and our intellect.
I love the way children play. It sounds nasty, but the way they bully and fight makes them stronger as adults entering the 'big bad world'. The way that they learn their talents from each other gives them something in common and makes it easier for them to socialise, but their genes, like being left handed or shy, can't be affected by their peers. Its so amazing how children thrive off each other but still have their own opinions and questions.
'Sheep'
When we become adults, we seem to lose that innocence that was so essential to us in our childhood years. We become too full of ourselves, that we don't think we need to ask questions anymore. Yet, at the same time, some of us lose a certain confidence we once had, and choose to follow the ones of us that have not lost that vital piece of our personalities. It gets so bad that people will sit and talk about the people they care about and put them down, to people that don't matter to them at all. What confuses me is that they know that this is the wrong thing to do, but they choose MORE friends over GOOD friends, and they need to learn that there is one hell of a difference. This type of mind is one that doesn't intrigue me in the slightest, because it is such a shallow, readable way to think. Probably why I have no particular interest in conversing with them.
Individuals
I have so much respect for people owning minds that will happily wander whichever way it pleases. They often attract a gruop of 'sheep', but that can't be helped. The pure comfort with being themselves is so clever that i have the most respect for this type of mind than any other. People who ask questions everyday until they die, people who aren't afraid to wear red with green when it's not Christmas, people who stand up for what they believe in, however strong their forfeit must be. To me, they are the sort of people i could talk to all day. Just finding out how they tick, with no influence from anyone else. I feel its one of two ways that one can access a pure mind in an adult.
'Clinically Insane'
No matter how much some of these people may scare the crap out of me, I still can't help but wonder whether they should just fit into the 'individual' bracket. Maybe they can't, but that's got to be simply for the fact that they have one disability, which is to train their minds to work with their souls. That sounds really lame i know, but think about it. The only difference is that they don't know the difference between right and wrong. Some do but just don't care, but that's not 'insane'.
'Animals'
The sort of minds that have no regard for any other living soul other than themselves. Cold blooded killers, rapists, drug dealers. There is no other way to describe these people other than as animals. Like wild creatures, they hunt for food and there own satisfaction. If this means taking away someone elses happiness, they feel it has to be done. I can only think that there is a fault in the conscience of these people, no guilt, no regrets or compassion. They seem to be the more primative cluster of the human race. Maybe it does run in their genes, maybe its a throw back. Who knows, but to be honest I don't think its something I'm quite prepared for yet.
Well, that was deep! Nice to put it into words though. Its been on my mind and I like to put it into order and share it with a few people. Three things;
1) Don't be a sheep.
2) Don't be an animal.
3) Yes, sheep are animals, no need to be arguementative!
Love you all, Goodnight.
Monday, December 05, 2005
mission and a half
It was strange seeing the world in a weekend. Since Thursday I have spent a hell of a lot of time travelling, partying and watching movies. Sound like a relaxing weekend? Oh God you couldn't be more wrong! I was subjected to twelve hours of Superman. Forgive me, but I have never really been a superhero fan, and twelve hours seems a bit much. I see all men as though they are wearing tights and weigh 225lbs. Well i suppose that was maybe a bonus with the whole thing!
Ok, so Thursday I was in Manchester, Moss side to be specific. Not much to tell to be honest, but if there was, I either don't remember due to heavy party spirit, or it got stolen.
Friday I was the proud owner of the world record for the longest lie in ever, (discounting students). Finally got up at 3.30pm and travelled straight back to Stoke. I was home for two hours and was abducted by a blast from the past in a white rover metro, otherwise known as Alastair. We journeyed up to Keele for no reason other than, 'It has a Burger King!' Whilst in Keele, we were invited to go see an old friend in Warrington who i hadn't seen for a fair while, so how could i turn it down?
You can probably imagine the look on my face. A combernation of travel sickness and pure exaustion, on the motorway at 9.30am Saturday. But still, you know me, partay partay partay!
For this part, campers, you will need to not inform he NSPCC of any information that may be leaked, have an open mind, an ability to easily keep track, a glow in th dark vest and a gun that goes ACTIVE ACTIVE.
We went and picked David up from his house and headed for the cinema to find out showing times. On arrival we discovered that we were all starving and two of us were in dire need of a hangover cure in the form of erm... alcohol. So we went in hunt of food and found Laser Quest. It seemed a fair trade at the time so we did it. Lets go. Although i was the only one of the three of us that had never been before i felt i had a slight advantage as im a shorty and could hide more easily in between the walls and behind the five year olds dotted around the place. Long story short, i was wrong and have never felt so much anger towards small children in my life, (and i want to be a teacher!) Severe case of having a lack of the three things i need to stay alive.
So we finished up and left for a cigarette, a drink and food. Killing one bird on the way back to the car, we were hoping to kill the other two by heading for Chicago Rock. Upon purchasing our drinks, we found out that we couldn't wait the 40minutes for our food, so me and Dave had alcohol for breakfast (Al doesn't drink, he's bright.). Anyways, we walked back to the car with 15mins to get to the cinema. Plenty of time...wait. Tilt's been clamped!!! Alastair went to the cash point to get the relaese fee. Louise and Dave?... Pub radar activated. And there's a story in its self. One for another time though. Lets just say a lesbian that would have found it easier to play it as a straight man, served Dave at the bar, as she had done a couple of weeks previously. (Eww!)
The clamping man let us go, which i was shocked about as i thought he looked like he was about to announce a mutany. So he hobbled away with his wooden leg and we drove away, ashamed and late for our movie. Getting to the cinema to ask for a refund or time change on the tickets, Alastair had left them in the pub. Sigh, grunt, deep breaths. So he goes, cant find them and we are luckily remembered by the cinema cashier. We have a personal escort ;) to our seats. (Told you i was a princess!) Anyway, the film was shit, I fell asleep and spilt my drink on my shoes. :(
So we went back to Dave's, ate sandwiches and they got me started on the worst twelve hours of my life. Superman 1, minute's leg stretch, Superman 2, minute's leg stretch, Superman 3, act 1, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, Superman 3, act 2, pee break, Superman 4, surreal feeling that my world isn't the real world and that Dave and Alastair are under dressed due to shortage of tights and cape. Not funny at all. Its one of those moments when you don't realise your falling until you taste the carpet.
Actually, all in all, it wasn't a bad weekend. Most interesting one I've had since my memory loss in the middle of Birmingham.
Love you all lots and hundreds, but i still feel like a pikey without a caravan. :(
i'm stayin home for a week. Except when i go on my date with the Dali Llama on Thursday. ;) I think im in there.
Ok, so Thursday I was in Manchester, Moss side to be specific. Not much to tell to be honest, but if there was, I either don't remember due to heavy party spirit, or it got stolen.
Friday I was the proud owner of the world record for the longest lie in ever, (discounting students). Finally got up at 3.30pm and travelled straight back to Stoke. I was home for two hours and was abducted by a blast from the past in a white rover metro, otherwise known as Alastair. We journeyed up to Keele for no reason other than, 'It has a Burger King!' Whilst in Keele, we were invited to go see an old friend in Warrington who i hadn't seen for a fair while, so how could i turn it down?
You can probably imagine the look on my face. A combernation of travel sickness and pure exaustion, on the motorway at 9.30am Saturday. But still, you know me, partay partay partay!
For this part, campers, you will need to not inform he NSPCC of any information that may be leaked, have an open mind, an ability to easily keep track, a glow in th dark vest and a gun that goes ACTIVE ACTIVE.
We went and picked David up from his house and headed for the cinema to find out showing times. On arrival we discovered that we were all starving and two of us were in dire need of a hangover cure in the form of erm... alcohol. So we went in hunt of food and found Laser Quest. It seemed a fair trade at the time so we did it. Lets go. Although i was the only one of the three of us that had never been before i felt i had a slight advantage as im a shorty and could hide more easily in between the walls and behind the five year olds dotted around the place. Long story short, i was wrong and have never felt so much anger towards small children in my life, (and i want to be a teacher!) Severe case of having a lack of the three things i need to stay alive.
So we finished up and left for a cigarette, a drink and food. Killing one bird on the way back to the car, we were hoping to kill the other two by heading for Chicago Rock. Upon purchasing our drinks, we found out that we couldn't wait the 40minutes for our food, so me and Dave had alcohol for breakfast (Al doesn't drink, he's bright.). Anyways, we walked back to the car with 15mins to get to the cinema. Plenty of time...wait. Tilt's been clamped!!! Alastair went to the cash point to get the relaese fee. Louise and Dave?... Pub radar activated. And there's a story in its self. One for another time though. Lets just say a lesbian that would have found it easier to play it as a straight man, served Dave at the bar, as she had done a couple of weeks previously. (Eww!)
The clamping man let us go, which i was shocked about as i thought he looked like he was about to announce a mutany. So he hobbled away with his wooden leg and we drove away, ashamed and late for our movie. Getting to the cinema to ask for a refund or time change on the tickets, Alastair had left them in the pub. Sigh, grunt, deep breaths. So he goes, cant find them and we are luckily remembered by the cinema cashier. We have a personal escort ;) to our seats. (Told you i was a princess!) Anyway, the film was shit, I fell asleep and spilt my drink on my shoes. :(
So we went back to Dave's, ate sandwiches and they got me started on the worst twelve hours of my life. Superman 1, minute's leg stretch, Superman 2, minute's leg stretch, Superman 3, act 1, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, Superman 3, act 2, pee break, Superman 4, surreal feeling that my world isn't the real world and that Dave and Alastair are under dressed due to shortage of tights and cape. Not funny at all. Its one of those moments when you don't realise your falling until you taste the carpet.
Actually, all in all, it wasn't a bad weekend. Most interesting one I've had since my memory loss in the middle of Birmingham.
Love you all lots and hundreds, but i still feel like a pikey without a caravan. :(
i'm stayin home for a week. Except when i go on my date with the Dali Llama on Thursday. ;) I think im in there.
Friday, December 02, 2005
i've got a brokened finger
Ouch my fingers ruined. It doesn't work anymore because I put it in the door and my Grandad shut it. Haha, yeah well I didn't laugh. It bends the wrong way now and its fatter than the other ones. Its the one you don't pick your nose with or swear at people with. Its the next one on my right hand and its well and truly buggered. Blood came out as well but its gone now so thats a good thing.
All in all, Monday wasn't my best day. It started out with my Grandad going on about me having an 'adolescent attachment' to my phone. I can't help it, everyone wants to talk to me. I think I must be a people magnet! Wow that makes me sound cool yet bigheaded which I'm totally not i swear! Anyway, he said he'd take my phone off me and never give it me back. I came back with something about my rights as a non-paying tenent and shot myself in the foot as he said he'd be happy to sell it as payment for the amount of electricity I use charging it up! I was fighting a losing battle so decided to be an adolescent. I stamped my feet as hard as i could up the stairs and played my music as loud as i could. It didnt work so i played music with swear words in and stamped around dancing and singing my lungs out. That didn't work so I did my Kevin and Perry impression at the dinner table. 'I don't care, thats not fair, I've got a LIFE you know!" Again it didnt work so i went and took my phone from in the lounge and went upstairs.
That seems like what i should have done in the first place, but clearly it was the wrong move at any time of the day. I thought i was fine seeing as it was still feeding time at the zoo downstairs, and i didn't think my Grandad would notice for a while and i as going out an hour later so I assumed that I was clever and he was stupid and i had won. But it turns out that my Grandad has a different role in the zoo than i thought. He's not a pig at the trough, he's an illegal nuclear weapon of many animals. And what a monster. 'I saw that.' He growled up the stairs. 'Erm, shit!' Was all i could reply with. I am of a lesser known breed of scaredy cats, and so i did as my instints told me best. I hid under the bed!
As the lion crept up the stairs, panting at the thought of catching his prey, the mouse lay still, hardly moving a muscle. The lion looked around the door cautiously and saw a tiny quivering foot under the bed. He paused for a moment and then pounced, dragging the mouse from under the bed as she squealed in fright and clung on to her piece of un-safari-like technology. He threw her about for a moment until she managed to escape and she dashed across the room like a ballerina on speed. He cornered her as she tried to run through the door and slammed it shut!
Then i felt the pain and called him all the names i could think of whilst plotting my revenge and wishing i lived in a binbag at the train station. When he apologised and left, i changed my mind. I thought it was quite nice of him to let me keep my phone and half my hand, seeing as i'd been rather rude to him. And i decided that living there wasn't so bad seeing as they only wanted my phone and not my binbag or my doorway. Yes, i had guilt and so went and apologised to him, although i was gritting my teeth whilst saying it.
Moral of the story; Being an adolescent is waaaaay to tiring and you should never underestimate the speed of angry pensioners. Take it from me, wild animals would soil themselves if my grandad charged at them with a chicken leg in his hand, spraying chunks of meat on their bed!
All in all, Monday wasn't my best day. It started out with my Grandad going on about me having an 'adolescent attachment' to my phone. I can't help it, everyone wants to talk to me. I think I must be a people magnet! Wow that makes me sound cool yet bigheaded which I'm totally not i swear! Anyway, he said he'd take my phone off me and never give it me back. I came back with something about my rights as a non-paying tenent and shot myself in the foot as he said he'd be happy to sell it as payment for the amount of electricity I use charging it up! I was fighting a losing battle so decided to be an adolescent. I stamped my feet as hard as i could up the stairs and played my music as loud as i could. It didnt work so i played music with swear words in and stamped around dancing and singing my lungs out. That didn't work so I did my Kevin and Perry impression at the dinner table. 'I don't care, thats not fair, I've got a LIFE you know!" Again it didnt work so i went and took my phone from in the lounge and went upstairs.
That seems like what i should have done in the first place, but clearly it was the wrong move at any time of the day. I thought i was fine seeing as it was still feeding time at the zoo downstairs, and i didn't think my Grandad would notice for a while and i as going out an hour later so I assumed that I was clever and he was stupid and i had won. But it turns out that my Grandad has a different role in the zoo than i thought. He's not a pig at the trough, he's an illegal nuclear weapon of many animals. And what a monster. 'I saw that.' He growled up the stairs. 'Erm, shit!' Was all i could reply with. I am of a lesser known breed of scaredy cats, and so i did as my instints told me best. I hid under the bed!
As the lion crept up the stairs, panting at the thought of catching his prey, the mouse lay still, hardly moving a muscle. The lion looked around the door cautiously and saw a tiny quivering foot under the bed. He paused for a moment and then pounced, dragging the mouse from under the bed as she squealed in fright and clung on to her piece of un-safari-like technology. He threw her about for a moment until she managed to escape and she dashed across the room like a ballerina on speed. He cornered her as she tried to run through the door and slammed it shut!
Then i felt the pain and called him all the names i could think of whilst plotting my revenge and wishing i lived in a binbag at the train station. When he apologised and left, i changed my mind. I thought it was quite nice of him to let me keep my phone and half my hand, seeing as i'd been rather rude to him. And i decided that living there wasn't so bad seeing as they only wanted my phone and not my binbag or my doorway. Yes, i had guilt and so went and apologised to him, although i was gritting my teeth whilst saying it.
Moral of the story; Being an adolescent is waaaaay to tiring and you should never underestimate the speed of angry pensioners. Take it from me, wild animals would soil themselves if my grandad charged at them with a chicken leg in his hand, spraying chunks of meat on their bed!
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